I remember the day like it was yesterday. I had been going to therapy three days a week. I was in a group with other addicts. From alcoholics, drug addicts, suicidal victims, to a few of us with…eating disorders.
I had been suffering from my addiction for a total of 9 months at this rate. But I was so DETERMINED to get help, that I got into treatment as soon as my addiction took complete control of my life. My friends weren’t even aware of how ill I was at the time (I was a pro at hiding my pain.) Which in the end, fed my disease even more. I had an amazing support system, that I pushed away. Leaving most of my time and space to enablers that I could get away with being unhealthy with.
I was blessed enough, to have the drive and heart to get myself into treatment. (Thanks to family and friends by my side.)
Back to my story. Therapy three days a week. I heard the most incredible and heartfelt stories. Hearing what other people were going through, really put my situation and my life into perspective. I had realized, although we were all suffering from different addictions, we all had the same thing in common…fear and anxiety. All of our diseases were linked to the same root of the tree, we had just all grown different branches of our personal addictions of choice.
I was a faithless, bitter, hopeless, and a controlling young lady at the time. I had put all my pain and regrets from my past under a rug, with just enough room to shake it all up and haunt me any time. I hadn’t fully “surrendered” my pain and guilt. From a promiscuous, alcohol and drug driven lifestyle, I had a lot of pain and baggage to unload. I had ran from man to man, addiction to addiction, to a strange “comfort” of…numbness and emptiness.
I will FOREVER be thankful that I was blessed enough to attend therapy three days a week. I was DRIVEN. At the time, I thought it was my own strength and courage that got me into therapy, but it was really Christ at my side all along. Leading me. His foot prints are sprinkled all over my situation. He was there all along.
Being an RN, I knew physically and mentally what my addictions would do to me in the long run. But it wasn’t until I simply started attending a Christian (non-denominational) church service…that I started to really see the big picture. I was relying on MYSELF to be MY OWN savior. If I wasn’t leaning on my own strengths, I was leaning on the false joys and pleasures of my addictions, that were obviously very temporary and short lived…and ultimatly painful in the end.
The point behind my story, is one simple thing. God restored my life. A little faith and hope goes a long way.
More on my story to come.